miercuri, 27 noiembrie 2013


Today I had the chance to hear one of my post read by someone as he had sent me the recording. I think I would have read it differently but otherwise I had asked myself many times how my thoughts would sound in someone else's mouth. They sounded pretty different. Again, we return to the distance between what I say and what they understand. There is a distance also, not only a difference. I have almost never written in English, except for school when I did not have a choice because it was for the English class. Therefore, I find it most difficult to utter my feelings in any other language than my mother tongue.

However, this writing is for two friends, one of them who asked me recently to approach a certain topic here about mutual respect and understanding and cooperation; another who does not speak or understand much Romanian and who has communicated with me in a very particular and unconventional manner. So...let me try.

Firstly, I cannot write an article on a given subject ever. This is why I do not earn my living out of writing and do not wish to try to in the future. Secondly, respect is not quite something I should be writing about but practice it every day. The person who asked this is very disappointed by the way some of the people whom she interacted with in a project acted afterwards. She told me people change quickly and now I can take the time to reply to it.

People change. But mostly people change their attitude. Sometimes, people do not even change their attitude, they just react to a situation new between you and them in a manner you lest expected or hoped. Most of human relationships have very tight limits, which, when crossed, strangle the respect and affinity and leave no way back to the initial ground. You cannot be disappointed if you did your best and your deeds were responded as if the others did their best to do their worst. Yet, you will be. I myself crossed lines more than a hundred times and have lost my time and my relationship with others. That is why, contrary to what many of the people in my past think, I draw some limits of my own.

If you do business with your friends, or worst, your family, there will be no gain in the long term for either part. If you are lucky enough to become friends with someone your are working with or for, let me tell it is not always a luck. We are constantly told to keep our personal affairs and work separated and also to remember that at work we are not friends. Well, a doctor crossing the street in his off hours will give first aid to a wounded without hesitation. His calling or his nature will not be conditioned by the fact he is not at work. So do not ask me to be your friend only in weekends, it is a bit absurd. On the other hand, when we work we work and when we have fun we have fun. But this is a line which is not that hard to cross or ignore sometimes so yes, it is way better not to do business with friends. Also, business means money for everyone involved, and money can transform and alter people, they are not an abstract notion as respect is, and none of us can handle every day existence without them.

In the end, all the relationships are about communication. When you send a message, you may think your job is done, but the process of communication involves a third party which is the receiver of the message. Make sure you were understood and make sure the person listens to you. If the person has no interest to listen you cannot help it. Things are up to you to a certain point, then....they are either up or down.

Now I wish to address this friend I mentioned, whom I so rarely write to and whose voice I never heard and face never seen. We have changed several ideas on the internet and sometimes he sent me songs to listen to. If I never told you, let me do that now:

Your songs make my stomach aches go away. Sometimes they dry my tears. Sometime they make my cry and help me let go, at least a part. Sometimes I listen carefully to the lyrics and I feel touched, they sooth me. And sometimes they bring me inspiration to write here and to dream or to hope. Thank you. I hope you read this and understand not only my grammar but ...my thanking you.

This is how it goes. Sometimes by the rules, sometimes by ear and not everyone has a sense of music and, unfortunately, sometimes we act as we lack common sense, which I would like to emphasize that applies to all nations, so maybe the fact that this text is in English helps.

If you are the one who is wrong, as I am so often, please consider that whomever is waiting for your apology will most likely accept it sincerely and you will not have lost a friend. If you are the one the wrong has been done to, please understand that I cannot write about your feelings as if they were mine and I do not have any interest to judge your situation. But I can be there for you. And if you are the one who is being a welcomed presence while absent, I am glad we are thinking of each other.

This is it. I hope my English did not alter the words meant to the hearts of those who read this.


  1. Sometimes our thoughts sound better when they're only in our minds. Sometimes words are not enough to reveal the true meaning of what we were thinking about. Sometimes, although the words might say exactly what should be said, there is a "how you do it" involved which might change the vibe and almost the whole meaning of those words and thoughts. So, i'm wondering, how would you do it? :)