duminică, 22 decembrie 2013

It is hard to put a label to your heart sometimes....

Well, well, well. If it isn’t the season again. Worthless thoughts about last/ past year and superstitious hopes about next year and fresh beginnings. I hear Christmas carols on the streets but something it is not right. They came too soon. There is no actual carol, just an attempt at singing loud.  Some of these people seem to mock the tradition on purpose. We became such a poor nation that we don’t care about other values than money anymore. We don’t open our doors to carol singer anymore because we don’t have money to give them and because most of them don’t sing just for the caroling itself. I have not opened my door to people because of those two reasons mentioned above. Especially when I know that some of them sing wonderfully and deserve to receive more than a piece of cake and a glass of wine. I wish things  were different. But I am not different enough to make a difference. I have friends and not acquaintances that cannot image a situation when you run out of money and you need it for the transportation to work and you have to borrow. This is nothing to be proud of, but it does happen and not only to myself. At the end of this year, I found with horror that one of the things I blame myself for and need to change sooner than soon is my ability to earn money, enough so that I am independent and can accept an invitation instead of giving explanations that make both me and the other person uncomfortable. This Christmas, I wish for material prosperity. For all of us, although it does not make sense for everyone to have enough in a world that needs extremes to keep its economical balance and its balance in general.

However, I remember, and not only at times like this, that I have a lot more than most people in this world and more than I have worked for, from my family, for instance. And it always helps remembering receiving when giving.  I wish I could give a lot of people some presents this year but I can’t and this just makes me think more about various stuff.

I wish people could sing not perfect but better than perfect. I wish people could sing from their hearts. I wish doors opened to people and people opened to people. I wish for the chance to give more and to receive more. And, like always, I wish for health, love, peace and understanding for all of you, which means I wish you well.
I am not good and worse, I still feel I am not better as a person. But if I have a couple of friends who understand, who truly understand, if my parents and brothers are alive, and if I have you reading this and feeling something then I can at least consider Happy Holidays. To you all.


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